Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hilarious Name Round-Up

So in my current post as a temporary assistant at a housing authority, one of my responsibilities is to make address labels. Tedious, yes, but it's not that bad--I turn on my iPhone and listen to A Fine Frenzy as I transcribe names and addresses from a printout to the ready-made label document in Microsoft Word. (Why, you ask, did they not give me the electronic document so I could just cut and paste? When I asked, the answer was that they had no electronic copy of the list, despite that the printout had to come from somewhere.)

I don't mind doing address labels. One of my favorite things about it is the access to all the names. Many of the people on this list are seniors, which means I've been inundated with names like "Dorset," "Gladys," "Eugenia," and, yes, "Bertha." Today's round-up topped all of them.

Among the list of interesting first-names:







Let's talk about "Virgilnette". Is it just me, or does that sound like either A) the name of a website where one might discuss translations of the Aeneid, or B) a chastity belt? Nutricia sounds like the parent was looking at a Geriatric Supplement Shake for inspiration, and Zetilda sounds like Roald Dahl had a soft spot for the original Nintendo.

I don't even know what to do with Rachicka.

On to the full names! How would you like to be "Bobby Berry Jr.?" I'm envisioning a kids-size blueberry shake. Also, steer clear of "Wiley Person"--he's got a shifty look about him. "Crystal Vines" was lucky enough to get a name with lots of imagery, and probably ended up with a much nicer apartment than "Destiny Hooker".

Destiny Hooker.


I'm at a loss for words. You know the child's father had to have been laughed at enough in his life for the last name "Hooker", that he would be pretty cautious about what to name his kid. You know the girl's mother had to have thought long and hard about that ring, turned it over in her hands, softly whispering "Hooker?". With these two parents in mind, why--WHY--would they choose a name like Destiny? Didn't anyone try to stop them? Wasn't there some crazy mother-in-law somewhere who said, "Y'all ain't naming my grand baby 'Destiny Hooker'! Sounds like some trashy super-hero who ain't got no Virgilnette! Hush yo' fuss!"

I mean, seriously. I wouldn't even name a character that, let alone inflict it on an actual human being. But I do like having a record of ridiculous names, just in case I need a character with a little extra *snarfle* to their name.